During the first couple of months, every time Yaeli would go to to sleep (for a nap or at night), we had to rock her until she started to fall asleep. I must have spent hours and hours holding her on my left shoulder, patting her back, singing/humming to her, and rocking her in the rocking chair. She would often take 30min to an hour to fall asleep like that. It wasn't uncommon for her to start crying soon after we put her down in the crib, so we would need to pick her and repeat the process again. Although sometimes I wished that she would just fall asleep faster, it actually became one of my favorite things to do with her. I absolutely loved it when she would calm down and fall asleep on my shoulder. It was like she completely trusted me and felt completely comfortable and safe in my arms.
A few weeks ago, she started to fall asleep on her own in her crib. We just put her down while she is still awake (swaddled), give her the pacifier, and she will quietly lay there until she falls asleep. It takes seconds. I am so happy and proud that she has learned to self-sooth herself to sleep like that. It makes taking care of her so much easier and less frustrating.
But, there's a part of me that misses holding and rocking her like I use to. My little girl is growing up! Now, if I rock her on my shoulder, she sometimes wiggles down and wants to lay flat. She will even sometimes be a bit fussy in my arms until I lay her down in the crib. Now don't get me wrong, I am really really glad that she falls asleep on her own....but I do miss the rocking. It was really really nice.
During the first weeks, when I had to feed her several times during the night, I hated being sleep depraved. It is definitely the hardest part about having a baby. I was sleeping only 1-2 hours at a time between feedings. I remember how wonderful it felt when I was able to sleep 3-4 hours uninterrupted. Although I hated the night feedings, and could not wait until Yaeli slept through the night....I realized that it was some of my favorite moments with her. There was something really special about holding her quietly in the dark hours of the night. There's a calmness at night. It was just my Yaeli and me. I think that it bonded us in a special way. It was probably in those dark quiet hours that I truly became a mother. Maybe it's natures way of forcing me to prove to her that I will do anything for her....even take care of her while with very little sleep night after night.
It's funny how something you dislike can turn into something absolutely beautiful!
I love it when she holds my finger like that. It's as if she's giving me a hug in her baby way.
It feels wonderful....fills me full of love.
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